Does it need to be said by me? Does it need to be said now? The answer to those questions is generally No, No and No 99% of the time. I am a firm believer that most of the words that escape our mouths should never leave our mouths. I work really hard at this. There are times, particularly at Out of the Fire with my co-workers that I step into the category of: I should have just kept my damn mouth shut. I have stepped on a verbal landmine more than once. I acknowledge my unwelcome words and poor timing (my bad habit is to mention things when we are really busy, doubly annoying) and apologize for my insensitivity. It is hard to shut up and not comment on everything that peppers our conversations. I make the mistake with my husband more than I care to admit. On a good day he will agree that he should not have made this comment or that. On a bad day he will say: “what are you? The communication police?” I will politely respond, “Maybe?” This is an attempt to provide a little levity to the situation, but it is usually not appreciated. I will jump on my high horse and remind him that we are in a relationship and one of the responsibilities of being in a relationship is that we call each other on our shite. Sometimes it is received kindly and sometimes, depending on the hunger and sleep scale it becomes a hand grenade. None of us are perfect. Or, I like to say we are perfectly imperfect.
There are many things that are best left unsaid. Once it is out there we can’t take it back.
I do want anyone who has been a recipient of anything inappropriate or hurtful I have said to inform me in the kindest way possible. Let me know that I have crossed a line. In addition, I will thank you for bringing it to my attention! I do care deeply about understanding those that share my space. Civility is the key. Turning off the reactionary response and actually listening is an act of kindness, discipline, and art. All of us could use some fine tuning when it comes to civility.
My hope is that we all become exponentially more mindful of the words we place in front of each other. The realization that what we choose to share or what we choose to keep to ourselves can dramatically effect our relationships. It can turn a conversation into something productive rather than destructive. At times it can be confusing to parse through the things that we think we need to respond to and what we don’t . I know, for me, if someone says something that doesn’t align with kindness and common sense I will assert that I disagree and will explain why. I will, in turn ask the person in conversation with me how they arrived and landed firmly on an ideology or opinion. I am genuinely interested in what shapes people. I think we need to seek more rigorously to understand each other. This is our greatest shortcoming.
I have had some great conversations at the restaurant with many of you since I started sharing my thoughts. My goal was to connect more deeply with those whose paths I cross whether it is at Out of the Fire, the grocery store or on the street. Thank you for reading, digesting the words and sharing your thoughts. Did that need to be said? YES!
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