I do wonder if people want the honest truth when they ask, “HOW ARE YOU?” Is it a superficial question which arises from a place of : I want to acknowledge your presence, but don’t share the real truth because I am not equipped to handle an answer which departs from “I’m fine!”
Personally, at this point in my life, I am not ”fine!”I have been feeling, for quite some time, adrift. I would have labeled this state as slightly depressed, but what I am feeling does not check the boxes of clinical depression. It wasn’t until I listened to a piece on the podcast, Hidden Brain titled, “Why You Feel Empty” that I figured out what has gripped me. Corey Keyes, a sociologist and author of “How to Feel Alive Again in a World that Wears Us Down” defines what I have been feeling as languishing. It is an emotional nederland where you feel like you have lost your spark for life, but you aren’t in a place where you don’t want to be in your life. I would describe it as a kind of holding pattern that is neither positive or negative. It is just really flat. The difficult reality for me, is coming to grips with the fact that I don’t feel “fine”. My full life doesn’t exactly justify being in this no mans land. I have been criticizing myself for not feeling happy, engaged and grateful. I have learned, as a result of Corey Keyes’ research that this feeling affects more people than we may realize. Many feel this emptiness but are just too timid or uncomfortable to share. Like me, many think their lives don’t justify this vacuous feeling. This can be a very lonely place.
Corey Keyes’ research resonated with me. It helped me make sense of my state of mind that made no sense to me. I felt its poignancy was important to share and, perhaps it would resonate with others. It helped me wrangle my guilt and shame for feeling anything other than supercalifragilisticexpealidocious every day!
I have experienced some significant loss lately that may be the catalyst to end this state of languish. The depths of my feelings remind me that I have had deep and meaningful connections to my experiences and relationships.
What I do know is that I need to seek refuge in those things that ground and connect me to myself and others. I know this may sound strange and simple, but putting my hands in the dirt and planting, making really great meals, picking the bounty of things I have planted, grooming my horses and just taking time out of my day to have substantive conversations with those that cross my path. I make a concerted effort to connect with all of you who enter Out of the Fire. If you ask me how I am I may say: “Do you really want to know? Once the door is open you can’t shut it!”
I have abandoned my self inflicted responsibility to sugar coat my emotional status. The practice of sugar coating is not healthy for me or for those of you that want an authentic interaction. As a fellow traveler on the path to being human I will answer you honestly if you have the time to listen!
I want to thank all of you who commented on previous posts. There are a few people here at Out of the Fire who handle the Instagram and Facebook world. I personally do not have an Instagram or Facebook account (the restaurant does) I hope I have not offended anyone by not responding through those channels. If you want to reach out to me directly you may e:mail me at
amy@outofthefire.com or come to the restaurant so we may chat in person!!!
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